I remember walking outside in the middle of the night when I was in middle school for no reason at all. For a couple of times. Man, those were weird times. I did a lot of weird stuff in middle school. Not that anyone cared.
Then, I thought I made a recovery in high school, but you know, mistakes happen to everyone. Mine just happened to be in the most unfortunate place and time possible. And super expensive. Yeah. Just perfect. Even now, I can still remember the exact date of the accident. And I still feel guilty for everyone that was involved.
It's funny how the mind works. You get to keep any memory for long-term keeping and your consciousness just say, "You know what, let's just select the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of this person's life. That would be hilarious".
My life was weird. Not the good kind of weird.
I can't believe college is almost over (just a little more). I never knew I would be doing this. I always wanted to be an artist or an athlete, or I don't know, a teacher maybe. I know I would be terrible at any of them, but I wish I've at least gave them a chance.
It's embarrassing to say or write any of it right now, or at any time. That's maybe the reason why I only started writing and shit like that after repeating a semester. The less anyone knows about it the better.
But still, there's a part of your identity that you don't want to change and that is still there even after all these time.
Being different is a necessity in social life, I think. Or more accurately, being better. To prove yourself to someone, or anyone. To make impressions and chase approvals. I don't know.
Now that I think about it, falling behind in my final year is kind of a blessing in disguise. I had a lot of free time to do so many things. It's frustrating sometimes, but it's been a fun experience.
And, while writing edgy woke stuff is fun, it's time to grow up and act like an adult. Life is hard. Boo hoo. And whose fault do you think that is? Distinguishing failing from giving up is definitely an important step for me moving forward.
This would be the last of this series of so-called journals. More like a diary, most of the time. Remind me of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. God, I hate that movie.
I will still continue other writings because it really helps me learn stuff. There's a lot of stuff that I've already written for the next couple of weeks. I hope I'll get some more new ideas in the next year. I want to keep trying stuff out like this until forever and ever.
Also, I forgot to mention that I'm currently working on the phone-in-browser in the weekdays. I "publish" the updated version every Friday. It's a manageable working system. That's probably what I'll do from now on with miniapps. I haven't even started yet on Room 24 lol.
Final Note: I'm going to hide all journals on 2019. It's great to express myself without restraints in these writings, but life is bad enough without me complaining all the time and they could probably reflect badly on me in the future lol. I doubt anyone will read this anyway. But you never know.
Anyway, I don't have any good quote to wrap this up. Have a nice day.