I don't know where to begin. There's so much thing curling up on my head right now. Maybe this will be the longest journal I would've written so far.
Let's first go back to Saturday, 28th October. Everything's going pretty well on Saturday. I finished almost all of my tasks on my project. I did my reading and writing too. And the same goes for the next day.
And then something happened. I don't want to be so dramatic about this but I realized that this is a kinda serious problem.
Before going into that, let's recap what I did for the last four days. On Monday, I pulled an all nighter to finish homework. Thanks to that, I missed a class the next day because I couldn't get off my bed. Wednesday was a 9-hour day at campus for attending classes and another project's meeting. As soon I got home, I was really tired and slept for, like, 10 hours before I woke up at 4.30 to get ready for a trip to Jakarta. Yes, I went to Jakarta the next day to finish some of the project's works. Although being grateful for this experience, it was an extremely exhausting trip.
All of that leads to today, Friday 3rd November. There's no class today as usual. So, here I am, lying on my bed all day, watching movies and reading comics. I haven't done anything today. I haven't even touched this document for my final project that was supposed to be turned in tonight. I simply don't want to do anything right now. That's the problem.
I know, you might think that I am just being lazy, which is not a big deal and something that everyone does occasionally. But, it's more than just losing motivations. I simply avoid all the things that I usually enjoy, which are reading and writing. You see, at first I thought that by forcing myself to do these things that I deeply care about (reading and writing), I could build habits that wouldn't feel like work. And it worked! At least, for the last couple of months. Now, I am afraid I am reaching a new point where I feel nothing but overwhelmed by these habits that I have to "maintain". I kept making up excuses and stressing over things that demand my attentions (which is everything, by the way).
And for these couple of days, I've done a lot of things that I am not proud of. Maybe because I didn't get enough time to rest or I was really stressed by every deadlines, I was being a jerk to some of my friends and family. I don't want to make any excuses for this one. I am always terrible at keeping my temperament when dealing with a lot stress.
Aaand, that's it. What a week. A disastrous one, I would say. I wish I could say that next week I'd do better and stuff like that. But honestly I don't want to say any of that crap right now.
I just need a damn vacation.